Bite-sized Blog: How to respect your husband

29 Feb

I realize that many of the girls who will read this aren’t married. Also, I am not married, so why would I post a blog about respecting your husband? I am posting it because I think it’s good to think about BEFORE you get married. Obviously marriages are hard work and many couples don’t make it. I think that it’s a good idea to put some things into practice before we have husbands, rather than trying to fix bad habits after marriage. A lot of our bad habits are evident in the way we treat our friends, family, or boyfriends. It is better to identify those things now, rather than trying to fix them later. If you are married, I hope this is beneficial and encouraging to you. But if you aren’t, I hope that this opens your mind to the qualities of an honorable wife and I hope that it gives you a picture to strive for.

Today’s bite-sized blog comes from “What Does It Mean to Respect Your Husband?” by Grace Driscoll.

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. -Ephesians 5:33

A vital ingredient for a healthy marriage is respect. As women we are specifically called to respect our husbands. This is neither degrading nor an easy task, but it should give us a sense of purpose and importance. We were created to help and respect our husbands.

“Men and women were created with equal worth but different roles. Though men are not exempt from respecting their wives, God created the woman to help and respect her husband.”

The Bible offers many principles about respect. However, it does not give many specific methods. In this article, Grace gives practical advice on ways to respect your husband with support from Biblical principles.

“Respect starts in our heads, and includes our mind and thoughts. Disrespect also starts in our heads and can over time affect our hearts and hands.”

Disrespect starts when you think things about your husband such as: I could’ve done it better, that was such a stupid mistake, or He’s not a good leader, etc. What you think will eventually lead to words and actions of disrespect toward your husband.

“Begin developing new habits of biblical thinking by being thankful for your husband’s gifts and strengths, rather than being bitter about his weaknesses and shortcomings.”

No husband is perfect and there will definitely be times of frustration and disappointment. But God doesn’t say respect your husband when he makes good decisions! He says respect your husband. Period. This means even when you’re not happy and even when he makes mistakes, he deserves your respect.

Our hearts are another source of our true feelings towards our husbands. If you disrespect your husband in your heart, your mouth will follow. Likewise, if you respect your husband in your heart, your mouth will follow.

“When you talk about him in public or with others do you tear him down or build him up? Are you careful not to gossip about him, or do you freely share your issues with others? Are you a wife who criticizes, contradicts, or sneers at your husband? Do you do this in front of other people? Do you “joke” about his lack of abilities or his way of doing things? Do you cut him down in front of the kids?”

I think this is a huge point that is usually overlooked. Our society tells that it’s acceptable for us women to get together and talk about all of our husband’s failures and flaws. This benefits no one. You might feel like you need to “vent”, but when you speak these words against your husband your disrespect and bitterness will grow, especially when others encourage you in your sin. When you speak badly in front of your kids they see that you really don’t respect him as the leader of your house and this creates division. Make a priority to only speak well of your husband to others and to your kids.

(This is not to say that if something is seriously wrong, you should ignore it. If there is a situation of verbal or physical abuse it is appropriate to be honest and get help.)

“Also, it’s important to remember that we don’t change our husbands—the Holy Spirit does! Use your words to pray for and help him instead of belittling him. Use your words to pray for yourself that you would practice self-control.”

Instead of going to your girlfriends to complain, try taking it to God. Being bitter and gossiping will never help the situation. However, taking it to God will have powerful results. The Holy Spirit will begin to change your husband and work in his heart when you refrain from gossip and trust in God. Not only will he work in your husband, but he will also work in your own heart and give you the patience you need.

“God created women to be helpers, which is a reflection of his character. God said, “It is not good that man should be alone,” so he created a helper for Adam (Genesis 2:18). It’s important to note that the word “helper” does not denigrate the wife; in fact, God is also referred to as our helper.”

Again, the role of a helper is not demeaning. God is said to be our helper, so we are made in His image to be the same thing that He is for us; for our husbands.

Some practical ways to help and respect our husbands:

1.   Pray for him. “Prayer softens our hearts and our husband’s hearts. If you only pray for him to change, then you won’t see your own sin too. Prayer reminds us of our total dependence upon God.”

2.   Touch him. Physical touch is often very important to men. “Don’t get into a habit of only touching him when he is leaving the house once a day. Rather, learn to enjoy playfulness that leads to deeper intimacy and sex.”

3.   Feed him. Preparing meal for your husband can be an easy way to serve him and show him you love him on a regular basis. If your husband enjoys to cook, that’s great! Take the opportunity to sit down and enjoy it together.

4.   Sacrifice for him. Be unselfish. If your husband enjoys certain activities that aren’t your favorite, do them anyway. For example: Go to baseball games with him, he might come shopping with you.  “The point is to do activities that your husband likes to do and have fun with it, not be disgruntled.”

5.   Take care of your relationship with God. “Grow your relationship with Jesus. If you aren’t getting fed through Bible reading, prayer, and personal repentance, then it will be impossible to know how to serve and respect your husband.”

Trying to respect your husband without Jesus will only lead to failure. He is the only one who can give us the wisdom and strength to carry it out. Before our role as wives, we are followers of Christ and we need to be careful to keep out priorities in proper order.

The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord. –Proverbs 18:22



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